RoadTrip - Day 11

Enter the Jake3000 - The main reason we stayed so long in CA was to celebrate an all day and all night cinco de mayo beach party on venice beach. When Tim finally awakens from his slumber he informs us that he's in no shape to drink that day. The red garter strikes again. With Dan at work, Jake and I set off to find this partyfest on the beach. After about an hour and half walking up and down the beach we come to the conclusion that it's either not may 5th or there was no party. Oh well, Jake and I won't be denied. We head to the nearest Mexican bar right before the happy hour crowd hits and claim a prime piece of real estate. Our plan is to hang out here for a few hours until Tim can rally and we can meet up with the rest of our group. Because of that we hold off on eating dinner. Strike 1. We enter the bar at the beginning of a 4 hour special where all drinks are 2 for 1. Strike 2. They have a patron machine. Strike 3.

Tim shows up for about 5mins and informs us he's completely broken and is packing it in for the night. Jake is dancing with a Mariachi band at the time, but I'm sure he was sad on the inside. Up to this point in the trip I had heard rumors of an alter ego named Jake3000 but had never met such a person. That evening we were introduced. Jake was in rare form to say the least. There had to be at least 200 women in the bar over the 6 hours we were there, and Jake talked to/danced with/generally entertained all of them...at least twice. We made so many new friends I could barely keep track of their names. I start seeing Jake less and less. He pops over once and awhile for a picture and a hug and then is off to bring more happiness to the bar. I'm starting to get a little tired and feeling my cold and wondering how the night is going to end. Then I get my answer. I see Jake fall over backwards at the bar from a "standing" position. Time to go. On the way out of the bar Jake stops to talk to so many people I think he's running in an election. At one point we're talking to some ladies and Jake tries to pat one of them on the head and accidentally ends up punching her in the eye. Definitely time to go.

Now for the long walk home. We're probably a mile from the house, but I think the walk might do 3000 some good. Big mistake. As soon as we hit the street, Jake realizes there are less people to talk to, so being the creative problem solver he is, he starts stopping cars to talk to the people inside. After pulling him away from oncoming traffic we accidentally walk by another bar. I pray that he doesn't notice. Next thing I know he's cutting in front of the 50 or so people waiting in line to get in. The bouncer finally catches up with him and returns him to my care. Never letting a good opportunity pass him by Jake decides to chat up all the women in the line he just cut. Almost all are with their boyfriends. Surprisingly they are less than receptive. While we're walking, apparently a bus stop bench insulted Jake, because I hear a loud metal clang and turn around to see Jake in a kung-fu stance next to said bus stop. Jake tries to give me the slip a few more times by ducking into yards and alleyways, before we finally get our cab and make it home. After trying to rip out his right eye, Jake falls asleep fully clothed sitting upright in a chair at Dan's. RIP Jake3000.