RoadTrip - Day 16

Veni,Vidi, MiniVani - After partying the night away and waking up around noon we collectively realize that it's time to call it a career and finally make our way home. We say goodbye to Lee, but before leaving Chicago we need to climb to the top of the nearest skyscraper to get one last breathtaking view of the city. We decide to check out the Hancock building. It's almost the size of the Sears tower, but it's free and has unbelievable views of the city and the lake. Lake Michigan is the first great lake I've ever seen from the ground and it's incredibly big. If you didn't know it was a lake, you'd swear it was an ocean, waves and all. We descend from our perch and grab lbs of red meat at Mike Ditkas restaurant for lunch. After one amazingly fun and unfortunately short stay, we bid the city farewell and I promise myself that I'll return.

We drive and we drive and we drive. Out of Illinois, through Indiana, over Ohio, and finally back to the keystone state. PA, home sweet home. We get to Pittsburgh around 2 in the morning on Saturday night. Jake used to live here so he gives us the late night tour. We drive through all the famous sections of the city and then drive up mt washington and get a look at the rivers converging and the span of downtown. I have to admit it's pretty impressive. We drive around some more as Jake rattles off some random facts, such as Pittsburgh has more bridges within city limits than any city in the world, except Venice. And that Pittsburgh was named after a statue of Sir William Pitt erected in the middle of town, made completely of peach pits. (Ok, i may have dreamed that one) Our plan was to spend our last night in Pittsburgh, but we were done and we all knew it. We were 4-5 hrs from home. It was time to push the rest of the way through.

We arrive back at Jake's around 7am Sunday morning. We unload the van and clean it up as much as possible. We figure out the car situation and drop off the minivan (and a tear runs down my cheek). I was depressed when we got the minivan instead of the jeep, but over the miles she proved herself. If I ever do this again, the minivan will be my vehicle of choice. Our final mileage was....drum roll......7216 (or there abouts). Which means I edged out Jake for the mileage guessing contest by 100 miles or so. And my grand prize is....3, 1 dollar bills and 2 pockets full of change that we scavenge from the van. It's more about the bragging rights.

Our trip has officially come to an end. We stand around the van grinning at each other, utterly tired but proud of what we've accomplished. 7216 miles, 22 states, 2 countries, 100+ hours driven, 37 mexican entrees consumed, 21,259 bugs killed via windshield, 13 laws broken, 44 shots of jager, 8 touristy t-shirts, 11 plastic dinosaurs, 0 minutes in gym, 0 minutes working, 8 years aged, and 14 lbs of fat gained; all in about 15 days.

Our goal was to see this country, inside and out. We did that and then some, and we became closer friends along the way. All in all it was better than i could have ever hoped, and I owe it mostly to Tim and Jake, two great road trip warriors. I just don't ever want to see you guys again. haha. Or at least not for the next two weeks. Ah what am I saying...lets start planning the next one.

To all those who've been following along via this blog, thanks for your support and kind words. I hope you were at least mildly entertained and I highly recommend doing this at least once in your life.

RoadTrip - Day 15

The Friendly Confines - We wake up from our luxurious 4 wheel hotel and head into Chicago. The night before we hit up stubhub once again and score tickets to todays Cubs/Dbacks game at Wrigley Field. If you're a baseball fan, going to Wrigley is one of those things you have to do at some point in your life, there's really no debating it. So from my perspective, I'm ecstatic. We get to the stadium, pick up our tickets, find parking, and walk in right after the game started. Practically perfect timing. No small feat either considering how far away we were 12 hours ago. Wrigley's like no other baseball stadium I've been to. As soon as you go inside there's a strong scent of beer, peanuts, hotdogs, grass and dirt. I think Tim said it best, Wrigley smells like baseball should smell. The architecture is almost alien compared to modern stadiums. There's no jumbo-tron, the scoreboard is manual, the seats are metal and uncomfortable, and there's hardly any separation between the concessions and the seats. It's like we're walking around in the movie the Natural.

We get to our spots in the upperdeck and settle in with hotdogs and beers. The temperature was supposed to be in the low 60s but it feels more like the low 40s. We fight the cold and our illness and persevere until the 7th inning stretch. This is the point in baseball games when the fans sing "Take me out to the ball game". I've been to lots of baseball games, and this is the first one where every person in the crowd was on there feet singing along. It's a kind of a dorky sports fan thing, but it was awesome and it's one of my best baseball memories.

After we sing like locals, we succumb to the cold and make our way to the exit. We catch the last of the game at a local bar right outside the stadium. When we get there, there are 8 people in the bar, including us. An hour after the game ends there are over 100. The cubs won, so euphoria was the drink of choice. There have been some heavy drinking day's on this trip, but this one is shaping up badly considering it's not yet 5pm and we're already 3-4 deep. I'm sure the night will end with a nice quiet evening at home watching American Idol... or not.

Return of the 3000 - After leaving the bar we head to Jake's friend, Lee's apartment. Lee's a cool, funny guy with an awesome apartment right in the middle of the city and a bulldog named beefy. We have some deep dish for dinner and Tim rocks out on some guitar hero. Jake passes out in mid conversation for about 3 seconds, just long enough to spill his beer on the one piece of furniture Lee doesn't want to see ruined. Beefy is not impressed. We meet up with a couple more of Lee's friends and head out to do some damage to the windy city's night life.

Our first stop is a local bar where we have a couple of beers and a few rounds of shots and get to know our new friends. Lee relives some good Jake stories while Tim and I tell a few of our own. At this point Jake's got this look in his eye. It's accompanied by a knowing smile, like he's mentally bathing in past, present, and future happiness. It's the look that I imagine Sylvester Stallone gets when they convince him to play Rocky or Rambo one more time. Yes, it's a distinctive look and I've seen it once before. It's the look of the 3000....and God help us all.

At our next stop the alcohol and conversations are flowing more freely. There's also a cool vibe going on at the bar. All six of us are talking to random strangers. We come together, fan back out, and travel into each others circles all while making lots of new friends and having a great time. At this point Jake is starting to hit his stride. He's bopping around, drinking other people's drinks, and talking to every woman in the bar. The woman I'm talking to is keeping a tally of how many times he kisses her on the cheek. It's approaching double digits. At one point some guy says, "I think I'm just going to punch him in his face". Luckily Lee and one of our other friends happen to overhear and intervene. Another bullet dodged by the elusive 3000.

Bars apparently stay open late in chicago, cause it's 3:30am and there's no sign of slowing. I start to take mental inventory of the situation. We've been up for 19.5 hours (after a 4-5 hour minivan slumber party), we've been drinking all day, my cold feels worse than ever, and this is the 15th day of this road trip. There's no scientific reason why I should still be on my feet, but what the hell, it's our only night in Chicago and I'm having a blast. So let's keep the party rollin.

At this point we say goodbye to all our new friends and head for an all night taco stand. Mexican for breakfast, lunch, dinner and 4am snack. Our Mexican food fest is complete. Inside the taco stand they're playing club music so Jake seizes the opportunity to start dancing for the crowd. "Can you catch a falling star without burning your hand? Can you put the sky in your mouth? Can you say to an earthquake..'hey hold still for a second'? No! Such is 3000!". There's a crazy crack head bum in the taco stand who's looking at Jake with an expression on his face that says "What the fuck is wrong with this guy". After dancing with one too many attached women, Jake moves on to his next great idea. I didn't actually see it first hand, but when i heard the other 4 guys roar with laughter, I wasn't surprised to hear Jake (now outside) just plastered his bare ass against the front window, showing the ladies exactly what they were missing.

After giving him a few tacos, he peels the tinfoil off them like he's about to eat a banana and then cups the food in both hands and starts devouring it like a squirrel eating his first acorn after a long hibernation. All this while standing in a deep rock star lounge. Strangers take pictures. If this entire eating escapade isn't on youtube by now, I'm gonna lose all faith in our culture.

After Jake's done eating he decides to become the official greeter of the taco stand, shaking everyone's hand that enters. We then see some crazy chick trying to kick a guy repeatedly as he runs away from her. Jake immediately identifiers her as someone he needs to meet and the next thing I know he's posing her between Tim and I for a picture that's a can't miss christmas card. "Season's Greetings from Allen, Tim, and random psycho chick".

We're finally ready to go home, but we can't all fit in the same cab. We decide that Tim and I will take jake and the other 3 guys will get another cab. Jake agrees it's a good plan. First cab that we stop, the other 3 guys get in and Jake jumps into the passenger seat. So much for the plan. Jake's cab ride home basically went like this:

Jake: "I think I left my friends"

Lee: "No they're fine, we saw them get into another cab"

Jake: "oh". "Hey let's moon some people"

Jake: (speaks spanish to the cabbie for 5 mins. Cabbie does not speak spanish)

Jake: "I think I left my friends"

All in all, a great night in an amazing city, with lots of cool new friends. Can't ask for more than that. One more day to go. Let's hope we all survive.

RoadTrip - Day 14

The Badlands - Today is going to be a straight shot to Chicago, but first we want to drive through Badlands national park. The badlands are this really weird terrain made up of 30 million year old dirt, rock, and volcanic ash. They look like a scale model of the canyons but made out of mud. Very cool. It's the largest protected prairie ecosystem in the National Parks system and apparently is one of the richest resources for mammal fossils.

We get out and walk around a few times. All of the earth looks like a dried up river bed, but somehow still feels a little spongy when you walk on it. When you pick a piece up it crumbles in your hand. We went to a lot of different places on this trip and many of them felt like we were in a different country. This is the first one where I felt like we were on a different planet.

We also see a good amount of animal life. On one of our walks Tim and I stumble across a snake. Tim says it was a garter, but I think it was poisonous. At least I'd like to believe that to help justify how high I jumped when I saw it. We also stop at Robert's Prairie Dog Village, where we see no less than 50 prairie dogs scurrying around. Last but not least we see lots and lots of Bison, so much so that when we stop for lunch we all order some form of buffalo meat.

Hotel Chrysler - Tim gets into a zone and starts driving like a machine, however we realize that we're on pace to get to chicago around 6am. We decide it makes more sense to sleep for 6 hours and get to chicago around noon. We'd rather not waste an extra hour or two finding and settling into a hotel so we park at a rest stop and settle in for a group nap in the van. Unfortunately this is as close as we come to camping. I sleep on the floor behind the front seats and open my eyes at one point to see the driver seat reclined within 6 inches of my face. Thankfully I'm not claustrophobic. My legs, arms, and neck are all bent at obtuse angles. The worst part is I think I have the best spot. I also apparently cough, moan, and bark like a dog through most of the night. This especially sucks for Tim since our heads are only a foot or so apart, separated by the drivers head rest.

RoadTrip - Day 13

Wyoming - Tim pulls the all night shift and as dawn breaks on day 13 he and I are still sick while hail begins to pelt our van on the barren roads of Wyoming. Things could not possibly be better. We pass a city sign for Lost Springs. Elevation: 4,325. Population: 1. We thankfully make it out of Wyoming and enter South Dakota on our way to Mt Rushmore. California seems so far away.

Big stone monuments - While trying to find Mt. Rushmore we run into the world largest unfinished sculpture. It's the Crazy Horse monument, dedicated appropriately to Chief Crazy Horse. It's eventually supposed to be bigger than Rushmore, however it was started in the 50s and so far they've only finished the face. At this rate the monument should be complete sometime in early 2462. Tell your great, great, great, great, great, great grand kids.

After that we finally made it to Mt. Rushmore. In total we probably drove 12-13 hrs out of our way to see the monument. After 5mins Tim and I look at each other and agree we're ready to leave. Very disappointing. Everyone told us it would be, but we felt like we had to do it. check. Never need to go there again.

Rapid City - It's late in the day and after an all night drive and feeling sicker than ever, we decide to spend the night in Rapid City South Dakota. We get some sandwiches for dinner and hit a drug store to reload on meds. I'm now taking like 8 different kinds of medicine to kick this cold and nothing seems to be working. On the way back to the room we keep noticing these tiny buildings that say casino on them. Our curiosity gets the better of us so we check one out. It's a bar with 8 slot machines, 3 grand mothers, and 1 creepy guy. Not quite vegas.

RoadTrip - Day 12

Leaving LA - After waking up we relive the events of the previous night and explain to Jake how he got his new wounds. We say goodbye to Dan and thank him again for his hospitality and hit the open road. Time to start the trip home. We hit an awesome bbq joint on the way out of town and then turn the minivan east and drive into the rising sun (that is if the sun rose around 1pm)

Hoover Dam - From LA we make a B-line for the Hoover Dam. We get there a little before sunset (like every other outdoor attraction on this trip) and drive our car right across the dam before parking and exploring. The hoover dam is unbelievably large. When it was built in the 30's it was the largest concrete structure and electricity producer in the world. (now it ranks somewhere in the 30s). The sheer drops, curvatures, and spillways almost give you vertigo when you look over the side. The nevada/arizona state line cuts perpendicularly through the middle of the dam so we spend a few minutes hopping between states. We were literally in and out of Arizona like 50 times on this trip. All on purpose.

Vegas baby, vegas - We didn't really have any plans to go to Vegas, but hoover dam is only 30mins away. It seemed like the only decent thing to do was to pay the city of sin a visit, but we needed rules. strict rules. Here's what we came up with:
1 - Everyone takes out $100
2 - Go up to the first roulette table we see
3 - Put all $300 on black
4 - if we lose, we put vegas in our rearview. If we win we take our original money back and put our $300 dollar winnings on 3 numbers. If one of them hits we make ~$3500.
5 - split all winnings 3 ways

Seriously how could this plan fail. We hit the Wynn casino, get our cash and head to the first roulette table we see. When we walk up we notice red has hit the last 4 times in a row. It's an omen. Dollar signs are bumping and grinding in my mind. We put our $300 on the table and I get the first ever black chip of my life. Yeah we're high rollers. Everything is going exactly as planned. The only question running through my head is whether or not we accept the suite that they will eventually try to comp us with. And then the ball starts to roll...and roll... and roll... and roll... and then stop....on....RED. We turn and head for the door. Shortest stay in the history of vegas. 30 seconds, $300 down. Vegas you're such a bitch.

On the way out of town we're feeling hungry and unsatisfied and then we see the stratosphere. The stratosphere is a restaurant/hotel/casino/amusement park that looks like the seattle space needle. Since our gambling strategy worked out so well, we decided to treat ourselves to the 104th floor rotating dining experience. Unbelievable panoramic views of the city and great food. Expensive, but worth doing.

Drive all night pt4 - out of Nevada, through Utah, and into Wyoming. We wanted to stop and check out some of the national parks in Utah, but unfortunately it just didn't work out for this trip. Maybe next time.

RoadTrip - Day 11

Enter the Jake3000 - The main reason we stayed so long in CA was to celebrate an all day and all night cinco de mayo beach party on venice beach. When Tim finally awakens from his slumber he informs us that he's in no shape to drink that day. The red garter strikes again. With Dan at work, Jake and I set off to find this partyfest on the beach. After about an hour and half walking up and down the beach we come to the conclusion that it's either not may 5th or there was no party. Oh well, Jake and I won't be denied. We head to the nearest Mexican bar right before the happy hour crowd hits and claim a prime piece of real estate. Our plan is to hang out here for a few hours until Tim can rally and we can meet up with the rest of our group. Because of that we hold off on eating dinner. Strike 1. We enter the bar at the beginning of a 4 hour special where all drinks are 2 for 1. Strike 2. They have a patron machine. Strike 3.

Tim shows up for about 5mins and informs us he's completely broken and is packing it in for the night. Jake is dancing with a Mariachi band at the time, but I'm sure he was sad on the inside. Up to this point in the trip I had heard rumors of an alter ego named Jake3000 but had never met such a person. That evening we were introduced. Jake was in rare form to say the least. There had to be at least 200 women in the bar over the 6 hours we were there, and Jake talked to/danced with/generally entertained all of them...at least twice. We made so many new friends I could barely keep track of their names. I start seeing Jake less and less. He pops over once and awhile for a picture and a hug and then is off to bring more happiness to the bar. I'm starting to get a little tired and feeling my cold and wondering how the night is going to end. Then I get my answer. I see Jake fall over backwards at the bar from a "standing" position. Time to go. On the way out of the bar Jake stops to talk to so many people I think he's running in an election. At one point we're talking to some ladies and Jake tries to pat one of them on the head and accidentally ends up punching her in the eye. Definitely time to go.

Now for the long walk home. We're probably a mile from the house, but I think the walk might do 3000 some good. Big mistake. As soon as we hit the street, Jake realizes there are less people to talk to, so being the creative problem solver he is, he starts stopping cars to talk to the people inside. After pulling him away from oncoming traffic we accidentally walk by another bar. I pray that he doesn't notice. Next thing I know he's cutting in front of the 50 or so people waiting in line to get in. The bouncer finally catches up with him and returns him to my care. Never letting a good opportunity pass him by Jake decides to chat up all the women in the line he just cut. Almost all are with their boyfriends. Surprisingly they are less than receptive. While we're walking, apparently a bus stop bench insulted Jake, because I hear a loud metal clang and turn around to see Jake in a kung-fu stance next to said bus stop. Jake tries to give me the slip a few more times by ducking into yards and alleyways, before we finally get our cab and make it home. After trying to rip out his right eye, Jake falls asleep fully clothed sitting upright in a chair at Dan's. RIP Jake3000.

RoadTrip - Day 10

Seeing the sights - It's been over 36hrs since we did anything touristy and Jake and I are itching to see the city. While Tim nurses his hangover Jake and I head off to see the sights. Our first stop is Beverly Hills. We drive down the ultra expensive Rodeo Drive. Not all that impressive. I'm sure the prices in the stores are outrageous, but from the outside it looks like any other upscale shopping district. After that we head toward the theaters. Our first famous theater is the Kodak theater where they have the Oscars each year. We can't get inside, but we press our faces up to the glass and get a look at the foyer. Looked nice.

After that we head to Grauman's Chinese theater. Along the side walk are all the hollywood stars. They stretch on for over a mile. Kind of bizarre to walk down a sidewalk in a strange city with your eyes glued to ground. Then you look around and everybody else is doing the same thing. There's no order or logic to how the stars are arranged, at least i didn't notice one. Telly Savalas could be next to Keanu Reeves who could be next to Shirley Temple. Never know which one you are about to walk on. Out on the sidewalk are groups of people dressed up as famous characters posing for pictures for a small donation. Jake and I get a picture with Marilyn Monroe who sounded like she was from Bulgaria. At Grauman's theater we find all the hand prints of the stars. This is pretty cool. There's only about 50 or so hand prints so it's much easier to find the famous ones. Most people are bending over matching there hand size to those of the stars (I have about the same size hands as Jack Nicholson's).

After that we track down the hollywood sign. We stumble onto this hiking/horse path and climb up a ways to get an awesome view of the sign. We run into this reserved couple from Utah who I'm pretty sure thought Jake and I were gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just glad they didn't try to proselytize. Finally, we take a cruise down the famous mulholland drive. Nice views of the city and some unbelievably expensive houses.

The Red Garter pt 2 - With our tourist quotients filled we're ready to paint the town red again. We start out at dinner with Karl and his lady Liz, at the whaler. Jake takes a picture with a cardboard cutout beer girl and we are subjected to Karaoke night. Surprisingly there were a good amount of people that could actually sing, guess that makes sense being that close to LA. After that we bounce around to few more bars and generally have a great time before heading back home. On the way home, Jake and Tim decide they want to hit the Red Garter again. I drop them off, wish them luck, and head home. As soon as they get in Jake goes up to the bartender and tells him he left his card there last night. Now most people at this point would just close out their tab right there. Not Jake. He tells the bartender to leave it open. Basically creating a full weekend tab at the bar. The bartender is so impressed he gives them some free drinks. After a few hours, Jake and Tim take a cab back but first stop at a 7-eleven for late night nachos. At this point the story gets a little hazy depending on who you ask. Apparently Tim had a pretty unique nacho eating technique and then there was a major disagreement over how to walk home from the 7-11 (which was a block and a half away from the house). Long story short, Jake got home in about 5 mins. Tim was banging on the door 45 mins later. And he's been our main navigator.

RoadTrip - Day 9

West Coast - We arrive in Venice CA at 5:45 AM saturday morning. We're staying with Tim's friend Dan from philly. He's got an amazing place with enough couches/beds for all of us. We stumble in like a bunch of hobos; sick, tired, and wired (Jake's been main-lining coffee and can't stop shaking). Dan greets us with open arms despite waking him up at the ass crack of dawn. The first thing he says to me is "Hey I'm Dan. Make yourself at home, what's mine is yours. Go grab a beer from the fridge and meet us out on the deck." Yeah beers at 6am, it's gonna be that kinda trip. After we finish our beers we finally get to sleep. We have officially traveled across the country.



Venice Beach - The next morning we slowly wake up, get ready and head out for a relaxing day on the beach. We walk down to famous Venice beach right past muscle beach. The beach isn't too crowded because apparently it's a horrible, cold and overcast day in SoCal. It's sunny in the low 70's with a few clouds in the sky. Yeah, I don't know how these people can live in these conditions. We lay in the sun, swim in the pacific, and play frisbee on the beach. It was my stereotypical vision of what living in southern california is like, and it was exactly what we needed. Tim, Jake, and I were by far the 3 whitest guys on the beach. I was probably the fairest of the bunch. I may have accidentally blinded a little kid when he looked directly at my legs. I put so much 30 sunblock on I probably could have survived a nuclear detonation. But hey, I didn't get burned and that was my number one priority.



The Red Garter pt 1 - That night Karl (another friend from philly) comes over and we all go out to a club called the Red Garter. Before we go, Jake decides to prepare by drinking a bottle of tabasco. I (and his digestive system) wish i was kidding. I'm not sure if the Red Garter is a typical club in SoCal or not but I'm not handling it well. Not sure if it's my cold or something else but as soon as I get in I feel like I'm gonna die. Inside, the bar's about 190 degrees. I kept expecting to see people spontaneously combust. The music was so loud I continuously checked my ears to see if they were bleeding. Outside, there's a hundred people shoulder to shoulder smoking like chimneys. I can't breathe in either extreme. I go to the bathroom and my face is pouring sweat. I wash up and consider sitting in the bathroom for an hour since its by far the most comfortable spot in the place. I rejoin the party, talk to a few people, almost throw up on one of them, and then decide it's time for me to leave. Jake, Tim, Dan, and Karl party late into the night. Jake forgets to grab his card at the end of the night to close out his tab. I consider it lucky that was our only casualty.

RoadTrip - Day 8

Sedona - We head out from Scottsdale to see the grand canyon. At Mattias' suggestion we drive through Sedona on the way there. It's a cool spot. It's a small resort town that's nestled in these beautiful and enormous red rock outcroppings. If we had more time we probably would have stopped and had some mexican food, but daylight is burning and we don't want to see the canyon at night.

Grand Canyon - We arrive at the grand canyon about an hour before sundown, perfect amount of time to see the sights and witness a memorable sunset. We enter at the south east entrance and drive along the canyon rim, stopping at the overlooks to check out the vastness. At the first stop we run into a group of french teens/20 somethings on some kind of group trip. One of the french guys is wearing a t-shirt that says "Texas is bigger than France". Nothing to do with the Grand Canyon, just thought it was hilarious a french kid was wearing it. Anyway, back to the Canyon...It's pretty impossible to describe. It's kinda like looking out over the ocean or up into the stars. My brain just can't process the amount of information. The peaks and chasms seem to go on forever in every direction. At one point we stop at a section where we can climb down a bit into the canyon. I always have this perception that everything in America is made ultra safe to protect companies from litigation. The grand canyon is nothing like that. You can climb out on any death defying ledge you want without even being yelled at by a life guard. We went out on a couple outcroppings to get a feel for exactly how deep the canyon is. Peering over the edge, the old quote came to mind, "if you gaze too long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you". So with slightly wobbly legs, we climb out of the canyon watch the sun set over the rim and return to our trusty minivan. The grand canyon is truly a natural wonder of this world. One of these years I'd like to take a few days and climb all the way down.

Drive all night pt3 - All day long Tim and I have been fighting the early onset of a cold. In fact we both think we initially got infected from the suspicious air conditioner in El Paso. It's either that or anyone of the following: a voodoo hex from New Orleans, the revenge of Tom Mix, or the Mexican ailment our truck stop friend warned us about. We'll stick with the air conditioner for now, but if I'm still sick by the time I get home,I'm gonna donate some money to the Tom Mix foundation. Anyway after the Grand Canyon I'm now full blown sick, and cramming airborne and zicam like it's my job. I drift off into a fitful, medicine induced sleep as Jake pulls the iron man shift and drives all through the night from the Grand Canyon to southern california. Jake now has moved into the commanding lead of hours logged driving. Just give that man an endless supply of coffee and jerky and he becomes a driving machine. That may also be his secret cold vaccine.

RoadTrip - Day 7

South of the Border - The whole reason we went to El Paso, is so that we can cross over easily into Jaurez Mexico. We park our car and pay our 35 cent toll and walk over the rio grande to visit our neighbors to the south. Once we get there we quickly realize that by dumb luck we visited on mexican labor day. The good news is they have a parade. The bad news is we are slightly worried that the frustrated mexican workers/paraders will notice the happy-go-lucky american tourists and "explain" their social plight. The even worse news is that they don't serve alcohol anywhere in the county while the parade is going on, which is the entire length of our mexican stay. Kind of cool though. They don't serve during the parade and they don't serve on election days.

The main street, 16 de Septiembre (mexican independence day), is packed but the rest of the city is pretty open, which is nice. We make our way over to the main market place and haggle with the locals over some souvenirs. Not sure if it's their culture or the fact that we were the only ones there, but the hard sell was definitely on. Some of their sales pitches were pretty comical. One guy had the following exchange with Jake...
shop owner: "Hello my friend, looking for something for your girlfriend"

Jake: "I don't have a girlfriend"
shop owner: "for someone else's girlfriend then?"

After that we grab some pizza for lunch... Yeah, I can't even type that with a straight face. Why fix something that aint broke, we had mexican in mexico. It only seemed fair and it was excellent. We say our goodbyes to mexico and head back to the border. I didn't realize it but lots of people commute to work from one country to the other, so there is a long line to get back into america both by foot or car. After waiting our turn and flashing our passports we are back in the USA and on our way to our next stop.

Whataburger - Throughout the southwest portion of the trip we've noticed this line of hamburger joints called Whataburger, and its become Jake's new fascination. We finally decide to stop at one, however, we just ate a few hours ago so none of us are hungry. Still we need to check it out. When we get inside the restaurant, the conversation goes something like this. "We don't want any food, but we'd really like a whataburger shirt, whadaya say?" The newly hired cashier's brain almost explodes as she tries to find the clothing buttons on the register. Eventually she gets her manager, and we explain our new found love for Whataburgers and how we can't get them in the northeast. Every employee in the restaurant has now stopped doing their jobs and are watching the 3 jackasses negotiate for fast food apparel. The manager finds us somewhat amusing and agrees to sell us 3 hats at cost. Final tally: 3 adjustable Whataburger hats - $8.85. 0 transfats. Easily my most successful fast food transaction on many levels.

The Thing - If you've ever driven through southern Arizona you've probably seen one of the 247 billboards advertising "The Thing". I'm not joking, this road side attraction has more hype than the democratic primaries. Those marketing geniuses hooked a few more fish as we decide we can't pass it up. Guess advertising does work. We cough up a buck a piece and head into the exhibit. Large yellow big-foot, foot prints guide you on your way through the 3 garage museum. The first room has about 6 exhibits, each with a sign describing what it is and somehow using the word "thing" cleverly. For example, "This antique car was really THE THING for transportation in 1932". yeah. that's the level of entertainment we're experiencing.

None of us can seem to figure out any theme to the exhibits either. The first room starts with a tractor and ends with a bunch of life size wooden sculptures torturing each other. The first room also contains a car that was used to by adolph hitler, complete with a dummy in the back seat dressed up like the sociopath himself. "THE THING is no one can prove it wasn't used by Hitler". Just keeps gettin better. In the second room is an equally random mishmash of relics. There's muskets and driftwood sculptures and saddles to name a few. It's kind of like someone's crazy aunt died and they just decided to make a museum out of her oddest shit instead of splitting it up or selling it on ebay. Anyway we finally reach the exhibit we've all been waiting for, THE THING itself. THE THING is actually a mummy complete with a little baby mummy companion lying in a glass top coffin. No idea if THE THING or any'thing' in this museum is real, but it made me laugh uncontrollably 3 times so I'd say it was well worth the washington.

The Ghost of Tom Mix - On the way to Phoenix we decide to take a scenic drive to see some of the desert and cacti. We get some cool pictures of some 20+ ft cactus and stop at a few historical markers. One gives us the phrase "beardown" which becomes a mantra for the trip. Originally said by some football player on his deathbed to his team that inspired them to win or something, yada yada...beardown, BEARDOWN!!!. Another historical mile marker is a memorial to Tom Mix, an old time cowboy actor who died on this very road. The monument itself is a small stone pillar with some nice words about the departed, and a piece of paper with his picture on it taped to the top of the monument. Guess funding was low. We get back in the car and start to leave when Jake decides its a great time to peel out of the gravel cutout to get back on the main road. Tim remarks how it's kind of disrespectful to desecrate a man's memorial like that, to which Jake bursts into laughter realizing that he not only kicked up a bunch of gravel but also literally almost pissed on his grave. It was getting late, we'll give him a break. Although, it's at least even money Tom mix's ghost will get his revenge at some point on this trip.

Phoenix/Scottsdale - We arrive in Scottsdale and realize we have no idea what time it is. We have like 8 different devices in the van that tell time. Almost all say something different and none of them are right. We've been through at least two different time zones (and countries) that day which is confusing enough, but to complicate matters more, arizona doesn't observe day light savings (except for the navaho nation) and on every 3rd wednesday of months ending in y and having 30 days. (ok that last part i made up). Anyway, we finally get to Scottsdale and are welcomed by our old friend Mattias. Mattias has graciously agreed to put us up for the night to help ease our aching wallets. He lives in an awesome apartment complex (there's a waterfall in the pool) and he's within walking distance of all the hotspots in Scottsdale. We eat a good dinner and catch up on old times and then head to a bar. The locals are apparently in rare form since it appears to be body-shot night and tops are optional. It's the only thing that pulls us away from our political debate. The conversations go something like, "No. McCain used to be for X, until recently when he...whoa did you see that?" Vodka, politics, and breasts not a bad Thursday. Thanks Mattias and thank you scottsdale.

RoadTrip - Day 6

Roswell- We drive all through the night to make sure we have plenty of time to see all of Carlsbad Caverns. However we get there a couple hours before the caves open (didn't factor in the timezone shift. this will become a recurring theme). So with a few extra hours on our hands we decide to track down some aliens and head to Roswell, New Mexico. Roswell is an unusual town. There's a small pocket of stores/museums that embrace the alien culture, however all the locals we talked to seemed angry with it and considered it a stupid joke. So much so that we went into to the Roswell information center and asked the experts what we should do in the city. He rattled off a few historical and art museums in the area. When we asked where we could find some aliens, he suggested Texas or Long Island. Perfect, glad we came. We find a UFO museum/"research center" and take a tour. Basically a bunch of pseudo science and conspiracy theories, but we got some funny pictures and Jake got a t-shirt...so let's call that a success. We also had mexican for lunch.

Carlsbad Caverns- Finally the caverns. There's a few ways to get in and out of the caverns. You can either walk in and out or take an elevator. I know it's weird, also pretty much the entire cave has a paved pathway and railing as well. Guess it's good so that literally anyone can access and enjoy the caves, just seems a little bizarre. We decided to walk down and then take the elevator out, despite urgings from Jake to walk both ways. The caves themselves are amazing. You wind your way deeper and deeper into the belly of the earth and you quickly feel the light and heat leave you. It was in the 80's at the surface entrance, but with in 5 or 10 minutes we had reached the constant 52 degrees stasis in which the cave remains. As soon as you enter you walk past the batcave. Sorry ladies no Christian Bale. The residents of this cave are mexican split tail bats, and unfortunately they are still vacationing in mexico for a few weeks, so we don't get to see the famous sundown bat flight. If you're planning on going, make sure to coordinate with the bats, they apparently put on a great show.

The actual cave formations are incredible. It gives you a really strange sense of time, knowing that your entire life is just a blink of the eye to these rock monoliths. It's kind of like going to an art gallery where the pieces have been worked on for millions of years and are still under construction. We each take about a hundred pictures and talk to an older gentleman who had visited the caverns over 70 years ago when he was in high school. Overall, well worth the time.

fuel, food, cactus, and jelly (no longer beer)- Driving through New Mexico we wind our way back south to Texas to make our stop in Mexico. Along the way we are driving into a 30+mph head wind. Jake almost loses an arm trying to open his car door. We can pretty much lean forward 20 or 30 degrees and let the wind hold us up. We're super low on gas and stop at a tiny truck stop service station. Jake and Tim go in and the following hilarity ensues:
Before Tim can tell the store mgr how much we owe, the mgr pulls out his binoculars and reads the gallons and dollars off the pump.
Mgr: "Where you boys from?"
Tim: "Pennsylvania"
Mgr: "Heck, they ain't no pennsylvania plates"
Tim: "They're new"
Mgr: "What you boys doing out here?"
Tim: "We just got back from Carlsbad Caverns and are on our way to El Paso, then Juarez"
Mgr (shakes his head and makes the sign of the cross): "Don't you boy's catch nothin you can't get rid of"

El Paso- We make it to el paso and check into a ho-jo and then off to eat again. How bout mexican...ok. We drive by UTEP seeing their stadium and a little of their campus and then retire for the night. The air conditioner rattles ominously through our slumber. More on this later.

RoadTrip - Day 5

Mexican brunch- We wake up in Austin and find a cool authentic mexican restaurant where we have the best meal of the trip to this point. It proves itself to be authentic, based on the quality of the food and the bathroom habits of its patrons. Jake explains that in Mexico most plumbing is really really bad and can't even handle toilet paper, so people throw the used paper in the trash can instead of flushing it. Same thing was going on at the restaurant. I know, disgusting, but excellent food. Win some loose some. Anyway everything was delicious except the cactus. It looks like a string bean and tastes like vinegar dipped in vinegar and then lightly sprinkled with salt and vinegar. Not something I'll be trying again anytime soon.

Alamo- Next up we head to San Antonio to see the Alamo and check out the famous River walk in the city. The Alamo is pretty small, but very impressive. It's a nice mix of historical museum and beautifully landscaped park. I got yelled at in the nicest way possible for taking flash photography indoors of Davey Crocket's musket. We start the first of many raids on tourist trap gift shops where we all buy "remember the alamo" t-shirts.

Riverwalk- On the way to the Riverwalk we continue our impulse shopping looking through the local flair of downtown san antonio, which ends up almost making one of our dreams come true. A little back story, for the last day and a half Jake has been talking about getting a taxidermized (probably not a word, but we like it) armadillo. He's already picked out a name (Wallace) and pontificates on how we can take him into all the bars with us. In fact, he romanticizes the idea so much that now Tim and I are fully in support and have gone to the lengths of looking up places we can buy one. We even contemplate driving a few hundred miles out of our way to get one. . So we're walking through San Antonio and see a jackalope store. We go inside and low and behold we see a not one but 5 taxidermied armadillos. A couple are drinking bottles of beer, another has a cowboy hat and six shooter. They all have one thing in common, they are all hideous. Oh well, it was a fun fantasy while it lasted. Jake drowns his sorrows with and oversized cowboy hat and pop-gun.

We finally make it to the Riverwalk and find a nice spot on the river to have some dinner. The riverwalk is basically a canal that winds through downtown, that the city has built walkways around both sides with restaurants and stores filling the landscape. They did an excellent job and it seems like it would be a really fun area at night, but we have other plans... so we gotta go.

Go spurs, go- Before the day started we weren't even sure whether or not we wanted to stop in San Antonio. Then at the last minute we decided to drive through and see the sights. On the way there we remember that the spurs are in the NBA playoffs and decide to see if they are in town tonight. Not only are they playing tonight, but there are tickets available. Gotta love stub hub. We head over to the game and become spurs fans for the day against the hated phoenix suns. The stadium is cool and Jake makes some lovely new friends. We bought our seats the day of the game for $30 bucks each, so we knew we're not going to be courtside, but as we're walking up into the upper deck we start to get worried. Every row ends with seat number 20, but we have 21-23. I have no idea how this is going to work out but I'm stressed we somehow bought counterfeit tickets, and then it all becomes clear. We are in the absolute last row of the stadium. Literally our backs our against the outside wall of the stadium. We are as far as you can possibly be from the action. The way the roof is inclined in the center we can't even see our counterpart seats across the way. We have to look down to see the fan-0-vision board, and we can't really hear anything announced because the sound waves have to bounce off 7 structures before getting to us. On top of all that, the spurs handed out little white rattles to every fan with instructions to shake incessentantly from start to finish. With all those ingredients the game added up to probably the funnest basketball game I've ever been to. Go spurs, go!

Drive all night pt2- we drove all night...again. This time with new mexico in our sights. I pull the late night duty this time and somehow manage to hit a bird and a bat before my reign of terror comes to an end. Sorry my wing-ed friends, but that's what happens when you dance with a minivan in the pale moon light.

RoadTrip - Day 4

9th ward- On our way out of New Orleans we decide to drive through one of the sections devastated by Katrina, the 9th ward. We see shells of houses gutted, leaning, demolished, and uninhabitable years now after the tragedy. There is some new construction, but very little. It's a stark contrast to the rest of the city that was surging with life from its residents and vegetation. There's nothing funny or comical to say about this. It was a true American tragedy that the area still has not recovered from. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but seeing the devastation firsthand has added emphasis to the meaning for me.

We leave New Orleans on a somber note, but also with great memories, mostly due to the people. To all our new friends and the city itself, we thank you for a truly memorable time.

LSU for Lunch- After we leave New Orleans we head straight for Austin Texas. On the way though we need to eat, so we settle on Baton Rouge, and more specifically Louisiana State University. We find a little outdoor deli right on campus and eat with the students and faculty. Generally seems like a nice place with nice people but not very distinctive or memorable. Sorry LSU fans. Tim takes a bite of his sandwich and is done. Jake and I are not surprised.

Houston - On the way to Austin we drive through Houston. We read up a little bit before we get there to know what we're in for. It's apparently the 4th largest city in the United States with over 2million peeps and over 6mil in the metropolitan area. With that many people there's gotta be some great stuff going on.

We drove through the city a little before rush hour and saw roughly 6 people. Maybe the other 1.9million+ were still working. The new baseball stadium is right in the city, which is cool, but everything else seemed very sanitized and generic. We were unimpressed so we decided to give it one last shot with a quick drive through chinatown. The 3 buildings that appear to compose all of chinatown seemed very nice. Needless to say our opinion wasn't changed, and I don't think any of us will be returning voluntarily anytime soon. But hey, we could be wrong, it was just a drive by.

The Live Music Capital of the World- Finally we arrive in Austin Texas and check into our absolute best hotel room of the trip. It's a 4 room, 3 queen bed suite in the heart of downtown Austin, all for just 90 bucks. Super 8, you are our new favorite adjective and numeral combination. After we unload all our stuff again, we get ready and hit the city. We make our way to 6th street where a bum gives me parallel parking pointers. We walk up and down 5th and 6th street until we pick out our spot. Our first stop is Nuno's, which has an amazing blues band playing. The lead singer sounds like George Thorogood and the drummer performs a walking drum solo throughout the bar, hitting anything that will reverberate, including patrons' heads. As we enter, a guest piano player is finishing up his set with the band. He's a 94 year old blues veteran who's still rocking. Really cool. After the main band finishes a few sets they invite any musicians in the audience to come up and play. About 30 seconds into the first song they realize the new "bass player" doesn't know how to play bass, kind of an important job requirement. The other guys are really good. Overall it's just a cool experience. Every song is about 10-15 minutes and turns into a jam session.

After a couple hours there we head down the road to our next stop. Another blues band with another great group of musicians. Tim was a fan of the guitar players, but the lead singer was the highlight for me. He sounded like Joe Cocker and looked like Biff from back to the future. For a Monday night, it was pretty impressive. Definitely a place I'd like to come back to and spend a long weekend.

RoadTrip - Day3

JazzFest- One of the main reasons we planned our trip the way we did was to be able to hit JazzFest in New Orleans. Unfortunately for the 2nd straight day (ironically the full length of our visit), there is an 80% chance of rain. Jake and I decide to roll the dice and see if we can avoid the rain. We scalp a couple of tickets outside the front gate and make our way into the festival. The first thing we notice as we go in is a larger than life gospel tent. Jake and I both cringe and are relieved neither of us wants to subject the other to that. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

We start walking around and listen to a couple of cool jazz and blues bands, and then take a lap to soak in all the festivities. All and all it was really cool. Lots of food, lots of music, lots of alcohol, and mermaid statues. Really what more can you ask for. The answer to that question is "good weather", because right about then is when the rain clouds rolled in. Jake and I did some quick math and realized we had 3 more hours until the one act we really wanted to see was going to come on and his venue was not covered. So we decided we could either leave or eat a pound of mud and catch pneumonia. We opted for choice 1 and said our goodbyes to Jazzfest. Just as we got in the car the deluge started and lasted for about 5 hours. All in all, we wished we got better weather but a fun experience none-the-less.

Crawdad picinic- After we leave JazzFest we meet up with Jameel and Tim for a Crawdad picnic on the Tulane campus park, running right along the Mississippi river. After 2 straight days of rain the river was angry and extremely high. If you've never had crawfish they are an interesting eating experience. They basically look like mini lobsters and eating them is a little brutal (for both the eat-er and eat-ee). You basically rip them in half and then peel and eat the tail section and throw the rest away. It's a lot of work for a little very average tasting seafood, but it felt like a true new orleans experience, so we were happy. The no doubt about it highlight of the meal was when a caterpillar-like bug fell from the roof of the gazebo and landed in Tim's lap. Calmly, cooly, and macho-ly Tim sprung to his feet and shrieked like a 8 yr old at a Hannah Montana concert until he was able to flick it off.

Alligator lingerie- After our picnic we head into town and immediately spot a can't-pass-up photo op, a plywood face cutout of tarzan wrestling an alligator. Jake and I immediately take turns striking the pose. When we're done, we notice to our utter delight that we're standing in front of an alligator museum. We gladly pay our $2 admission and start aimlessly wandering through the 2.5 room museum like we had never seen an alligator before. The highlight of the museum was probably a tie between a 50million year old gator fossil and a sculpture of a half-alligator, half-horse riding a bicycle. Nah, what am I saying... gator-horse wins hands down.

After leaving the museum we stumble across the street to a lingerie shop with a mannequin in the window dressed in her night time attire and holding a mop. I guess this is someone's fantasy, but we found it incredibly random and funny and decided we needed to get a picture with said mannequin. Somehow we talk the shopkeep into re-opening the store (it just closed 10mins ago), opening up her display window, letting us pose like idiots, and on top of all that she went outside to take the picture of us. I think the conversation went something like..."Hey we're on a road trip across the country and would love to get a picture with your mannequin in the window". Starting to believe people really are nicer in the south.

Magazine St.- After our random acts of stupidity, Jameel takes us to another cool local bar with an awesome wrap around deck on the 2nd floor. We play some foosball, watch the sixers game, and generally have a great time with all our new friends. Before we know it we've spent 6+ hours in the same bar and have had an amazing night.

Late night on Burbon- In our last night in New Orleans we decide to see how hard burbon street parties on a Sunday night. The answer is pretty hard and into the wee wee hours of the morning. The best part was a phillipine bartender we met with a crazy laugh/cackle that I could only describe as the wicked witch laugh from the bugs bunny cartoons played at too high a speed. She may or may not have put a voodoo hex on Jake.

RoadTrip - Day 2

Driving through the Night/Morning - after spending about 5 hours on the same road we finally make it out of Virginia and into Tennessee. We're starting to get into unfamiliar territory, a nice mix of exhaustion and excitement fill our stale air. Right about the time we hit Alabama, the minivan informs us she needs an oil change. I'm sure this will end well.

We decide to hit up a wafflehouse for breakfast. I bring my laptop to find something to do before we hit New Orleans. Pretty sure it was the first laptop to grace this fine establishment. I think I should of got a free side of hashbrowns or something. Our waitress comes over and asks us something that none of us can understand. After 3 attempts she gets frustrated and pawns us off on another waitress who's fluent in yankee. After finishing up our extra healthy breakfast and getting a recommendation from the delightful Beverly, we're ready to get back on the road.

Random superhuge mythological statue with a great ass - Overlooking Birmingham is Vulcan park. It's centerpiece attraction is a 50-ft cast iron statue of Vulcan, the mythological god of fire and metal.

Here's an inscription from the base of the statue:

"Vulcan's Prophecy:

Just as my stature towers over the cone of earth

so shall the district, from whose breast the ore

and coal were torn and fused to give me birth

exceed all others in "times march". For O'er and O'er

nature hath flung her treasures with a generous hand

and Birmingham sits throned. Both hemispheres

can draw on her. The mineral wealth of every land

is there allied to rule the world in future years"....ah, ok. moving on.

Retired warrior - shortly after visiting our superhuman statue friend we head due south for Mobile Alabama. In a harbor in Mobile sits the decommissioned battleship USS Alabama. She's an unbelievably impressive monster of a ship. We buy tickets for a self guided tour and spend the next two hours exploring the ship. Everything about it is imposing, from the artillery right down to the sleeping quarters. She typically had over 2500 crew members and earned 9 battlestars during World War II. The whole time walking through the ship I kept thinking to myself, guys much younger than me were working here under the worst of conditions, ready to fight for their lives at any moment. Heroes died here defending our country, they have my respect and admiration. Definitely worth the price of admission, plus they have a bunch of other decommissioned military vehicles and artillery including a submarine and a handful of planes and jets.

Welcome to New Orleans! - after leaving Mobile we're finally ready for New Orleans. We arrive at the city limits in a torrential rain storm, cementing our preconceived notions of a swampy rainforest city. We pull up to our hotel valet and realize we need to figure out how to get all of our 3 cubic tons of junk out of the minivan and into the hotel since we won't have access to our car. By this point we've probably packed and re-arranged once or twice so we have a general idea, but in a downpour and working on very little sleep, it was less than fun. Tim's prized cowboy hat (with effeminate sash) was almost a casualty.

After we get settled into our hotel and catch up on the NFL draft, Tim's friend (and soon to be tour guide), Jameel arrives. He's an awesome guy and we have all the confidence he will show us a good time.

We start off with Po-boys and handgrenades (mixed drink with lots of Grain and a non-threatening plastic handgrenade floating in them) on Burbon street. We then convince Jameel to take us to the cool parts of town that only the locals know about. We head to the "Frenchman district" and enjoy some fine cocktails and jazz at Ray's Boom Boom Room. We order a round of shots which Jameel negotiates into what appears to be a full bottle of Vodka. Jake does about 1/2 a shot and then decides to start conducting experiments involving fire an flammable alcohol. and that's the story of how the great new orleans fire of 08 started...I mean everything turned out fine. Really.

After the fi...I mean Rays, we check out some of the other cool bars in the frenchman. At one point we stopped in a bar that I can only guess caters to tranny-senior citizens, at least based on the live show going on. New Orleans. a little something for everyone. We end up having a great time, making some awesome new friends, and getting a good feel for the super cool non-touristy night life of New Orleans. We can't wait for part 2.

RoadTrip - Day 1 - continued

Dinosaur Land - In a testament to our long dormant, neanderthalic, hunting skills; we located a nest of real-life dinosaurs. And by real-life, I mean cheesy plastic replicas... but close enough. As soon as we saw it, we knew we had to stop. Also, apparently the definition of dinosaur is pretty flexible considering they also have a huge Shark, a menacing Octopus, and a 20 foot Kong.

Skyline drive - The only part of the drive we really planned out before we left was hitting at least one section of skyline drive in Virginia. If you don't know, Skyline drive is a beautiful stretch of winding mountainous road that runs atop the blue-ridge mountains in shenandoah national park. It's well worth it, if you have the opportunity.

However, not so much if you don't get there until after sunset. We arrived as the last bit of light was still lingering, so the first few miles were awesome. After that we spent the next hour or so winding up and down the mountain and dodging every deer in Virginia. They seemed happy to see us.

First Supper - After we made it out of our deer dodging mountain escapade, we were starving and ready to eat our first dinner on the road. We turned to our new friend the garmin for some delicious recommendations. After selecting what sounded like a local option with authentic cuisine we were happily on our way. 15 minutes later, we are on 1 lane dirt road in the pitch black of night. We each start taking mental inventory of the weapons we have in the minivan. The garmin seemed like our best option. We could throw it at an attacker and get revenge on the evil device that betrayed us. We finally get to the end of the "deliverance" road to find 2 houses and a trailer. Absolutely no chance of any of them being a restaurant. 50/50 they have electricity. Good job garmin.

Now we're even more hungry, so we settle on making our own dinner. We get some lunch meat and a few other supplies and have a moonlit, tailgate dinner in the Food Lion supermarket parking lot. Nothing says class like pavement and pastrami.

All nighter time - In an effort to spend more time in New Orleans we decide to drive through the night and get there as soon as we can. We drive in shifts and sleep when we need to. Although no one seems to remember who drove between 4 -5 am, so let's chalk it up to the garmin redeaming itself.

As midnight rolls around and officially ends day1, we find ourselves still in virginia, but already with a handful of good memories, with the promise of many more to come.

RoadTrip - Day 1

And it begins...

Tim, Jake, and I (Allen) have officially started our much awaited cross country road trip.

Here's the highlights so far.

Prolouge

We all agree to meet up at Jake's place at 11 to drop off cars and combine our stuff.

11:00am: Total number of people at Jake's: 1 (including Jake)

11:45am: I arrive at Jakes. We're pretty sure Tim is awake and in the vacinty of leaving his apartment. I get aquainted with Jake's cats. They're a friendly bunch.

12:30pm: Tim arrives at Jakes. Everyone rejoices (cats included). Our group is now assembled (cats not included). Jake and I load our things into Tim's car and head for Thrifty. We're so close we can almost taste it.

12:40pm: Our first setback. We realize we forgot Jake's guitar. The first of many group decisions results in the first of many u-turns. The guitar will not be left behind.

1:10pm: Welcome to Thrifty!!! We swagger into the preffered customers lane with an air of entitlement and excitement. Our trip is moments away from begining, and then disaster strikes...our car rental reservation is invalid.

We spent the last few weeks looking forward to the idea of cruising around in a brand new, 4wd jeep grand cherokee. Unfortunately I failed to read the fine print on Thrifty's Philadelphia airport location rental agreement. Apparently SUV's are only available for people flying in. Somehow I knew Thrifty would fuck us. Mission accomplished.

Goodbye Badass Jeep...Hello Soccer Mom minivan.

After shedding a few tears and inspecting our new ride, we decide it's not so bad. We drop Tim's car off, load up our stuff, and head out. The road is calling our names...our trip has begun.

3:00pm: Tim needs food in his belly, now! We stop at what will undoubtedly be one of the fanciest and healthiest destinations of the entire trip. Roy Rodgers in an I-95 rest stop. yummy (or something like that). We're only an hour in and we've already broken a tentative rule. No fast food. Oh well.

Tim takes two huge swigs of apple juice and a bite of his burger and appears to be done. Our first glimpse into his unique digestive system. This promises to be an interesting storyline.

3:45pm: The betting begins. We decide to guess on what our total mileage will be at the end of the trip. The poor unsuspecting minivan only has 2222 miles on her, she has no idea what awaits her.

Tim: 2222 (current) + 6728(trip) = 8950 (final)
Jake: 2222 (current) + 6786(trip) = 9008 (final)
Allen: 2222 (current) + 7528(trip) = 9750 (final)

Whoever gets closest to the final wins. Price is Right rules do not apply. Stakes to be determined. I think I'm a lock.